Tuesday, January 29, 2008

On and on

I have decided to stop posting on this blog. I'm leaving the archives so my children can Google me one day and be even more embarrassed about how nerdy their father is. Hi, kid(s)!

From now on, you can find me here, here, and here.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Bar hopping in Montréal, unabridged

This past Friday night I ventured out into the cold with three associates to explore some of the bars that Montréal has to offer. Explore isn't quite the right word as not all the bars were new even to me, having been to Korova three nights prior. But the point should be emphasized that we largely had no idea where exactly we were going to end up.

Having had one beer while discussing Rick Mercer's surprising lack of height when met in person and Mike Myers' unfounded hatred of the extras working on the set of his new film The Love Guru, we left to wander down Saint Laurent and figure out which bar we should begin our night at. Our first intended destination was playing host to some unfortunate band named something like The Virgin Sluts or Slut Virgins, I can't really recall. Though I'm pretty sure the word 'virgin' was in use somewhere.

Moving farther along down the street, we found ourselves standing outside what was described by one of our party, Dan, as "a really scuzzy bar." I immediately voiced my enthusiasm for our travels to go no further, but it was agreed that checking out the aforementioned Korova wouldn't harm anyone. Unfortunately we were informed by some smokers out front that the bar didn't actually open until 10:30 PM. It being about 10:02 PM, we made our way back to the scuzzy bar in order to make further plans for the evening.

Having sat down with our first round of drinks, it was decided by myself and another member of our party familiar with Vancouver, Mayana, that the bar, Barfly, was essentially a combination of the Cambie and the Marine Club. To get a better idea imagine the regulars of the Cambie in a place a little smaller than the Marine Club with a band presumably as lousy as Go Ghetto Tiger on stage. I say presumably because we had finished our drinks and decided to leave before the band started playing, as seeing their wardrobe and the fact they felt they needed someone there to record their performance on video (for YouTube, presumably, it was agreed) was enough to convince us it was time to see what else the evening had in store for us.

It being just after 10:30 PM, we decided that it was now suitable to patronize Korova. This time we were greeted with a fairly empty bar and unobtrusive music — not to mention tables consisting of old Space Invaders consoles that were still in working order. This proved to be suitable entertainment to accompany our drink of choice; Pabst Blue Ribbon. Unfortunately after only so many sips of Pabst and only so many spaces being invaded, the bar itself was invaded by a congregation of university students intent on celebrating some sort of occasion that's relevance was lost on us. Needless to say, it left us desiring some social gathering larger than our own where there might be a purpose suitable to our now heightened expectations. (This is, of course, because one would assume that getting inebriated isn't exactly a proper birthday celebration when one is already getting drunk two to three times a week.)

It should come as no surprise that we soon found ourselves making our way to a loft party in a nearby building. The prospect of a party in a loft had a special appeal to it, as one imagines that very few university students can afford lofts and those who can afford them can also most likely afford to stock their apartment with large amounts of Pabst Blue Ribbon and Space Invader consoles. Whether such attributes can be accredited to loft owners is still a mystery to me, as we never made it over the threshold of the party's entrance. When we were greeted with a 'Please Remove Shoes' sign, it was decided that this was not a party we were willing to risk dirtying our socks for.

Having seemingly exhausted our tolerance for finding a suitable establishment we resorted to endeavoring to Tokyo, a place which might fittingly and unflatteringly be described as a "night club." However, since we were granted both safe and complimentary passage to the VIP area by party member Sidney, we found it only proper to stay for at least one drink. We were rewarded by music at a level so high that it was all one could do to hear one's thoughts. Far be it from me to overly criticize the lifestyles of a group of people different than myself, but one must wonder where the appeal of paying $6 for a bottle of Molson Export — should you desire a beer — while being surrounded by unattractive girls made up to look pretty (or at the very least inviting under the guise of a couple Molson Exports) and music not derived from any particular genre lies. Perhaps I don't fully appreciate the feeling of accomplishment that is achieved from the sexual conquest deprived of sobriety, or perhaps it's simply that I prefer Pabst Blue Ribbon to Molson Export.

If you can forgive my digression, I can tell you of how we came to abandon our appreciated, yet confusing, VIP status in favor of a bar with wobbling tables and at least one bathroom with no toilet paper. The appeal of a blonde pint, friendly service and an atmosphere appropriate for conversation should not be overlooked — as such, we found ourselves in the setting of Sing Sing. While we were thusly deprived of the enjoyment of being ogled by deaf ugly girls, we found entertainment in watching a young gentleman pull a hybrid snow sled/boat (eventually defined as simply "the snow boat") along the sidewalk just outside of our window. Though it did not quite appear sea-worthy or to have attachments for sleigh dogs or reindeer, the amount of pride the (presumed) creator took in his alpine vehicle was rousing for our somewhat jaded spirits.

At the very least, it reminded us that our journey home was not the lengthy trek we earlier believed it to be when thinking of abandoning unfinished bottles of Molson Export. Upon downing the last of our pints, we concluded that our night was suitably complete save one ambition that could be fulfilled during our departure from the bar: possession of the snow boat.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Candidate for best Degrassi line of all time

From Season 7, Episode 2:

"I used to play at this playground as a kid . . . I just found out I have chlamydia."

Friday, January 18, 2008

News Flash

-Roger Federer is pretty good at tennis

-Seemore Butts (sic?) approves porn videos with "girls kicking ass and getting their asses kicked, too"

-I had five screwdrivers so that I might get some sleep tonight

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Living at my parent's house for a month after graduating from university checklist

[x] Moving out 3 days from now
[ ] Contributed financially
[x] Watched season 1 of The Wire
[x] Watched season 2 of The Wire
[x] Watched season 3 of The Wire
[x] Watched season 4 of The Wire
[x] Watched all seasons of The Wire over the span of 9 days
[x] Put on weight over the holidays
[ ] Averaged going outside at least once a day
[x] Argued about who does dishes
[x] Made case that completing four years of university should entitle me to never have to wash dishes, as that kind of chore is not for an academic
[x] Made case that academics need food to think, thusly I am justified in eating all of the food in the house
[ ] Produced argumentative essay demonstrating such fact
[x] Gained larger appreciation for ability to purchase my preferred brand of toilet paper
[x] Delivered proposal to parents showing that benefits of using preferred brand outweigh higher price
[ ] Said proposal was accepted
[x] Might as well have feigned depression and slept through the day, every day

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

I'm moving in a couple of days

Monday, January 07, 2008

If I thought Toronto was any less gray than Vancouver, I was kidding myself.