Sure I'm self centered, but I'm not as bad as this asshole on the bus

I won't deny it. Any time I write something I somehow manage to include myself in the first sentence. Or at the very least the first three sentences. It's not always intentional, it just happens. It's kind of fitting right now, but usually it's not. This is because I am slightly self-centered. I think I've gone over it a few times before but basically I don't feel bad about it nor think that I should. I'm not going to get into it again right now, so let's just accept that fact for a second while you indulge the following observation I made while riding the bus home tonight:

(N.B. 5 out of 8 sentences in that paragraph contained the use of 'I')

The 135 was typically, yet uncharacteristically late tonight. That being it was 5:25, 5 minutes after classes let out and no bus had come in 20 minutes. There was a lot of people waiting at the bus stop, so when it did arrive the bus was fairly full. I got a seat as I was towards the front of the line. After most of the seats had been taken, a girl and some guy (who from now on will be referred to as 'guy'), a friend of hers, made their way towards the back of the bus for the last remaining seat.

The girl got there first and took it, guy did not object. As the bus pulled out of the bus loop girl and guy continued their conversation. Guy decided to hold onto both of the poles at the top of the bus. Basically guy spread himself across the entire back row of the bus. As guy is talking he continues to get pretty animated, talking loudly and starting to add actions to his talk.

Among guy's actions were:
-throwing his head back violently without checking to see if he would hit anyone (it was a packed bus)
-kicking his foot back hard, again without checking
-hanging from the two poles, crouching his knees up to his chest and showing off his ass crack to anyone who had the privelege of looking that way
-turning his head side to side repeatedly, sometimes making his face come within 6-7 inches of a strangers face

Guy continued doing this until I got off the bus. I assume he kept doing it. Now my point is that this girl who was with guy seemed to enjoy his company. It made me think she probably thinks of him as a nice, funny guy, like many people are assumed to be. Yet people like myself get labelled as self-centered. And I wonder why.

When I get on the bus I respect other people's space. This doesn't mean I am a stuck in stone and don't move, but I don't flail my limbs as if I am being controlled like a marionette.

When I get on the bus I talk to friends, but I don't yell. They're right beside me. They can hear me.

When I get on the bus I don't play on the poles like they are a jungle gym. Unless I am drunk.

When I get on the bus I certainly don't throw my face in front of some stranger's in order to get a cheap laugh from whomever I'm with. Keep in mind I'm talking like Judge Reinhold in Seinfeld close to your face.

Why do people like guy get labelled as the thoughtful ones?

Yeah, what a guy.

My blog is on hiatus until Vancouver learns how to deal with a half foot of snow.

I mean seriously, it's not a big deal. I know it doesn't snow here that often but come on.

Googling your own name at night results looking at the 12th page and finding this.

Someone sells sheet metal nearby

Reflections on the collection of photos on my computer

For some reason whenever I get new photos on my computer that have two people in them, I title them by mixing the names of whoever is in them. Without fail. Everytime. It doesn't matter if the names don't mix properly.

Examples:

Cam + Warren = Wamren, Camren, Wam

Mike + Warren = Mirren, Wike, Warken

Ian + Cam = Can, Iam (Yam)

Cam + Katie = Catie, Kam, Catim (doesn't even make sense)

Katie + Warren = Karren, Watie

Ian + Yuka = Yan, I-uka, Yaka

Apparently I also like to throw in "crunk" after some of the names.

Examples:

Wam_crunk.jpg

You took your cell phone camera / point-and-shoot digital camera to a concert and all you got were these lousy pictures

I went to the Album Leaf show tonight at the Plaza. It was a pretty good show and all, but I just don't understand some people with cameras at concerts.

There are 2 types that I have in mind:

1) The overly-drunk douche bag "dude" who pushes/stumbles his way right up front only to be too drunk to talk so he yells and tries to dance. After every song he makes sure to yell and try to high-five which ever band member is closest to him. Then he takes out his cell phone and starts trying to take photos with the camera.

First of all, I've never seen any photo taken from a cell phone that has a good resolution, they always look blurry and pixely. Sure, use it to take some ridiculous photos. But really, why the fuck are you taking photos at a concert? Look at the ceiling, no better yet look at the fucking stage, there's hardly any light there. Why do you think your phone screen was blank after you took the picture? Because it didn't fucking work.

Oh, but you tried again, and now you can make out some sort of red blob of colour. Artsy! You could be a professional photographer some day. Don't stop, seriously, keep taking pictures until the set is over and the lights come up. Then yell some more and point to the singer.

2) The average concert attendee who reasonably has their point and shoot digital camera with them. Fine, you like to take it with you for whatever, it is possible to get okay photos with those cameras. But hold on a second, it's still fucking dark in this venue. Oh right, that's okay, you have a flash on your camera.

AAAAH I'm fucking blind. That's because it seems when one person takes a photo with their camera, every other single person who brought their camera takes it as a cue to take a photo. I counted 25 flashes during one song alone. If I were epilectic I would've seizured by now.

Oh, yeah, those flashes totally don't bother the musicians at all. It's cool. Plus, the photos you will get will be worth it. Since your camera is a point and shoot, the flash will be too bright and who ever you took a photo of will look pale and the contrast between the subject and background will look downright silly. And the photo's probaly out of focus because it's an auto-focus camera and it accidentally focused on the foot of the mic stand because you held the camera up over everyone's heads and couldn't see what the fuck you were taking a photo of.



I like attending concerts, I'll tell you what.

...But those articles still need a lot of work.

Listening to Bob Dylan in the rain

I realized that in this semester, despite the fact that I've been hating all my classes except for my own English course, that I've still managed to do something worth while. I've managed to contribute 4 written articles (probably be 5 by semester's end) to The Peak that weren't columns or editorials. Or about myself.

Not that I haven't submitted the odd review before, but now I feel as though I've been able to actually take a shot at writing something of substance. Something that I can't churn out in 20-30 minutes. The articles I've written by myself I've spent at least two hours on, and I'm still unhappy with them (meaning I wished I'd spent more time on them) when they come out. I'm pretty sure the movie review Mike and I did took around that amount of time too.

I don't really have much of a point to this, it's just kind of interesting. It's like I'm putting more time and effort into writing for The Peak and this blog than I am into writing papers for my actual courses. Fortunately that has only been reflected in the mark of one philosophy paper so far.

Sadly, political philosophy isn't at the top of my lists of interests right now. And combined with the fact that the material is pretty difficult, I'm about ready to right an essay about debating philosophy and call it 'Why Bother?'.

Now when I know I've got to produce an article for the paper, I start thinking up sentences in my head before I can even get to a computer or a piece of paper. If I've got to write a paper on political liberalism, mutual respect, and compromise, I end up sitting with my hands over a keyboard for at least an hour before I can even start a sentence.

Canada needs more self-confidence

Going to university, one of the things that really starts to bother me is all the causes I'm supposed to care about. Alright, sure, I have a pretty sweet life compared to like 98% of everyone, fair enough. But do I constantly have to hear about the starving children in Darfur (just an example)? Yeah, I get it. They're hungry.

So I'll donate a dime here and a quarter there and I'll feel okay with myself. The other day though something really got to me. I was walking to class and one of the many concrete pillars in convo mall I saw a sign saying "Do you know what the East thinks of Canada!?!? Act now!" etc. etc.

Then I started thinking, wait, what does it matter what Eastern countries, or any countries for that matter, think about Canada? I mean think about it, when you were growing up your parents probably told you to be confident in who you are and to not worry what other people think about you. We all learned it's important to be comfortable with who you are.

And that got me thinking that, yeah, Canada should not be self-conscious. Do your own thing, Canada.



Alright, I'll be honest, I got tired of writing this satirical commentary and now I'm giving up.

Warren carried a camera around a lot when he lived in Toronto

Installation outside the Art Gallery of Ontario

Niagra Falls; Tourists' delight.

401 at night.

Taken for my photography class at Ryerson.

Where Spadina ends.

From the 401 again.

Near Keele & Bloor.

From a moving car on the 401.

Somewhere between Toronto and Vermont.

I still like the TTC better than Translink.

The big tree at the end of my backyard.

Near Collingwood, ON.

Montreal.

IMPORTANT UPDATE

I didn't win the lottery.

I am the luckiest man alive. That previous statement is only true if I win the lottery tonight

Most of you probably know that I play the lottery. I play it more than anyone else I know, that's not to say I play it a lot, I really only buy a ticket once a month. It's just that no one else I know ever plays. And whenever they see me buy a ticket or I mention how this week's jackpot is $36 Million (which it so happens to be), they always smirk or laugh or just flat out ask why do I bother playing.

Well first of all, you can't win without a ticket, and secondly I put maybe $5 per month into an enterprise that lets me pretend I am going to have a shit load of money. I don't actually believe I will win, I never do. I just like to think about the sweet house I am going to buy, or the fancy cars (p.s. I still don't have a license) that will sit in my driveway.

But honestly the more I think about it, the more I don't really think I'd want to actually win a staggering amount of money. Wait, yes, I do (I'm afraid if I put down I don't want to win into print, I somehow won't win), but what I mean is that I feel like when you have a certain amount of money your life is totally set. Yeah sure I would never have to worry about money again which would be great, but I think I would lose all motivations to do anything with my life.

I could quite easily spend all my time simply managing my money. I wouldn't have to worry about pursuing a career in something that interests me, or making an effort to produce literary works that are of some amount of quality. It wouldn't matter. I wouldn't have to do that. And that bothers me, because knowing myself, I think I would keep putting it off and just tell myself I have all the time in the world.

Then I would just sail on my fabulous yachts, race my expensive cars, and court gold digging 21-year-old women the world over. Then pretty soon I would be 50 with a trophy wife (sans pre-nup) and a litter of children. And all I would have to show for it would be a perfect tan (not from tanning, but from my summer house on my own private Ida.. scratch that, Island) and still a lot of money in the bank.

I'm not saying this happens to all lottery winners, but I feel like it'd be pretty easy to fall into. That being said I still really, really want to win $36 million dollars tonight. So bad I am shopping for mansions on real estate websites.
And I'm not even sure why.

Laundromats endorse popular, but unfunny television

Everybody loves Raymond. Or so I've been told. I used to constantly hear about the high ratings this particular show enjoyed through almost its entire run as a series. Yet I have never once encountered a person who regularly watches the show or even will say that they think it is funny. That is why up until today I believed it was all an elaborate scam to convince the world that Ray Romano was worth someone's time.

Today, however, I finally witnessed people (not one, but TWO) laughing at the incescent, seriously irritating bickering that passes as dialogue. This happened at the laundromat I go to every week. There is a TV set up for patrons to view, which personally I find annoying because it discourages the classic staring-at-the-dryer pose that I think most people would be inclined to take had they no other options.

Either the only channel they receive on the TV is TBS, or whoever uses the remote has consistently bad taste, or has a perverse taste for censorship. Regardless I have seen Everybody Loves Raymond play on that set on probably the majority of my trips to this particular laundromat, and never once have I seen anyone laugh at it or really pay attention to it. Today I observed two men, probably late 20s or early 30s, thoroughly enjoying literally every second of the show. I'm pretty sure my mind was blown. I mean this in the sense that I'm pretty sure when I first heard them laugh that I turned around and stared at them for a few seconds. It all happened so fast.

Having watched one full episode in the past to determine if the show was indeed funny or not, and seen random clips at random times, I knew that the show wasn't funny. Or I thought I was so sure of it, I started to second guess myself, that is until I paid attention to the episode they were laughing at. It was terrible.

Frank (Ray's Dad) wanted Marie (Ray's Mom) to pass the salt. But she wouldn't. (insert laughter from two guys) She FUCKING wouldn't. (more laughter) So Frank inquired as to why she wouldn't pass the salt, was she mad at him? (hahaha) Marie's reply was no of course not, but with obvious hesitation. (LOL) When Frank requests a pass of the salt one more time, Marie looks as if she is going to comply, but then preceeds to dump the WHOLE bottle of salt onto Frank's previously flavour balanced dinner. (OMG, laughing so hard they want to DIE) Then she goes to the cupboard and takes out a bag of salt and dumps it onto the already saltified dinner plate. (I'm pretty sure one of them fell out of their chair at this point) The scene ends with Marie exiting the kitchen as she says "No Frank, I'm not mad at you". (Obscene, filthy tears of laughter are contaminating the floor I am also standing on)

See what the show did there, is they played the mixed messages game. She said she wasn't mad but her actions (physical comedy!) suggested otherwise. Class-fucking-ic.

Those two guys had a good time at the laundromat that day. I spent the rest of the time trying to comprehend the discovery I had just made; Everybody Loves Raymond is in fact a popular TV show. I came to this conclusion because I had previously believed that not a single person ever watched the show, but since this was refuted, my mind became full of conflict and confusion.

Are there really more people out there who find this show funny? Do they laugh at salt-infused comedy? And then it dawned me; probably. This point my friends, was the point in my life that I will be able to refer back to in the future as the moment I lost faith in all humanity.

Halloween Spirit

As you may have read, Cam was a pineapple for Halloween.

I was a gorilla:

You might be inclined to say that my previous entry was bullshit, but I tell you that these costumes were scary. Especially when encountered on the dark, rainy streets of East Vancouver.

It was a challenge to drink while maintaining character, I'll tell you what. But we managed to wind up in 4 different places and do whatever it is Pineapples and Gorillas do that is remotely terrifying. Associate with a horse was one thing, there may have been a doctor thrown in there too.

I do remember mainly that there was an abscence of music at one place for an awkward amount of time. How can you mingle without music? How I ask you? Especially if the music doesn't drown out the irritating pitch of a person's voice.

Colt 45 only works on dulling vision, not hearing.

Happy post-Hallow's Eve

I don't like Vancouver Halloween

Maybe it's because I grew up with different traditions, but I am not a fan of the Halloween I keep experiencing in Vancouver. The fact that empty store fronts are converted into "Big Gorilla Sale" firework fronts for about a week kind of creeps me out. What is the corollation between Halloween and fireworks? I don't understand it.

Growing up in Toronto I can't ever recall a single instance of a firework being shot off on Halloween night, let alone every night of the week leading up to the 31st. A fellow Ontarian suggested (I think somewhat in jest) that it was because Toronto is so dry at that time of year. This is true, but I really don't think that's going to stop fun loving teenagers from having a roman candle fight and maybe burning down a shed or something (...lots of sheds in Toronto).

It sounded like there was an Iraqi firefight going on outside our house last night for quite a while. Then we heard fire engine sirens. I grew up with the understanding that you saved the accidental fires for Canada Day and May 24.

Aside from that though, I saw kids trick-or-treating at 3:30pm yesterday. Okay sure they are little kids, but is Burnaby so dangerous that you can't wait until the sun has set slightly so there is some kind of feeling of spookiness or something. Halloween is about being creepy and scary, not ambushing all the local merchants for candy right after school.

I guess maybe the kids went to houses later on, but something tells me they'd be done by 6 at the latest. I think even little kids should be up until 7:30, I mean it's only one night a year and it adds to the actual aura and vibe of Halloween when you do it in the dark. Also it would be nice if kids actually tried to wear scary costumes, there are enough Spidermans and fairies going to make it just look like a dress-up party.

If Vancouverites aren't careful, they'll turn Halloween into nothing but a costume contest and candy gorging fest (which it admittedly already is, but the kids just at least get kind of scared while they're at it).